Feets of Clay

a little story(board), for your entertainment.

Once upon a time, Clay had a little problem. Well, a big problem, to be exact. So he turned to his good friend, the Reverend Doctor Ruben Studdard, for advice and some healin’.

Reverend Studdard kindly accepted a generous fee from Clay’s worried mother, and proceeded to investigate Clay’s little problem. Well, big problem, to be exact.

Your Feet’s Too Big
Written by Fats Waller
Performed by Ruben Studdard
Inspired by Clay Aiken

What’s that runnin’ ‘round here?
Oh. Hm.

Up in Harlem
At a table for two
Well there were four of us, baby,
Me, your big feet, and you.

From your ankles up
I’ll say you sure are sweet
But, uh, from there down, baby,
You’re just too much feet.

Oh, your feet’s too big
Don’t want you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
Mad at ya
‘Cause your feet’s too big
I really hate you
‘Cause your feet’s too big.

Nah na na na, Na na na na
Where’d you get ‘em?
Na na na na

Your girl she likes you
Says she thinks you’re nice,
Says you’ve got what it takes
To take her to paradise

Well she likes your face
Says she loves your rig,
But, uh, look at ‘em, look at ‘em -
Your feet’s too big!

Aw, your feet’s too big
Don’t want you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
Mad at you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
I really hate you
‘Cause your feet’s too big!

Oh,
Your pedal extremities are colossal
To me you look just like a fossil.
You got me walkin,’ talkin’, and squawkin’
‘Cause your feet’s too big!

Can’t go nowhere wit’ you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
Can’t get in the bed next to you
‘Cause your feet’s too big

Look at ‘em, look at ‘em
Spread all across the floor.

When you go and die,
Ain’t nobody goin’ to sob
The undertaker’s going to have quite a job
You goin’ to look real funny
When they lay you in the casket -

Look at them big feet
Stickin’ up out the basket!

Aw
Your feet’s too big,
Don’t want you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
Mad at you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
I really hate you
‘Cause your feet’s too big.

Oh,
Your feet’s too big
Don’t want you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
Can’t use you
‘Cause your feet’s too big
I really hate you
‘Cause your feet’s too big!

Your pedal extremities are
Ob-NOX-ious!
Yeah!

... Unfortunately Reverend Studdard was not able to heal Clay of his affliction. And poor Clay Aiken is hopelessly, incurably adorable, forever more.

Amen.

Screencaps from a montage banned on YouTube, “Feets of Clay (Your Feet’s Too Big”), lovingly compiled by hosaa from the clack of the Timeless Tour, 2010, and the cast recording of Ain’t Misbehavin’. (It was free advertising, ya’ll!)

Buy the album from Amazon:Ain't Misbehavin (2009 Cast Recording)

Clay's Web site: http://www.clayaiken.com/
Ruben's Web site: http://www.rubenstuddard.com

Love, hosaa
Misbehavin' (lovingly)