As we all know, the most popular radio program of the early 1950s was Kate Smith's Bobsledding with the Crooners. The beloved Miss Smith's cheery, radio-friendly presence and wholesome demeanor were an inspiration to an entire nation.
Papa even took little Clay-boy to visit the great bobsled-crooning teams of the nation:
Barry Manilow and Paul Anka ...
... Lionel Ritchie and Neil Sedaka ...
He became an instant fan! Young Clay wanted to grow up to be just like them. Oh, how he longed to sing and race!
But as Clay grew older, he watched sadly as the popularity of this once-beloved radio program waned. Novelties and gimmicks eventually destroyed the show all together.
It seemed that the nation had lost sight of the importance of singing and racing as a combined art and skill. Crooning and bobsledding gradually became separate specialties, and few individuals possessed the talent to succeed at both disciplines.
And so radio, too--and its enormous influence on popular culture--died.
Through the years, many attempts were made to revive Bobsledding with the Crooners, but they failed ...
Like the Beatles ...
... like Bono and the Boss ...
Some teams that were serious about reviving the sport began recruiting bob-crooners of the past to help them develop their skills.
The famous Jamaican Bobsled team looked to handsome Harry Belafonte for inspiration and support ...
... but not even Harry could aid the team. "Too pitchy, man," he moaned, shaking his head.
Old-time sledders knew they still had something to prove. And America's youth began to take heed.
Meanwhile, young Clay got a little distracted by a TV show called American Idol. He thought he could interest his new friends and teammates in reviving the sport-art of bobsled-crooning.
But the exhausting schedule of the show (and its incessant dance rehearsals--what's that all about?) left poor Clay drained. He always needed a nap.
When the show ended and Clay had won (almost), he easily united his best good friends and created Team Idol:
... ready to tackle the best bob-crooners of the world:
Justin and Constantine ...
... Missy Elliott and Beyonce ...
... Groban, Buble, and Connick ...
... and that notorious team hastily assembled by the devious Simon, Team Divo ...
Questions arose whether the Team Idol could truly compete with the likes of Bob-princess Britney Spears.
Soon, Team Idol began to fall apart. Anchor man Ruben Studdard went off on his own, finding great success as a solo bob-crooner.
Clay put on his game face and gave it his best shot, but his heart was not in it. "It's not a competition. It's NOT a competition. It's NOT A COMPETITION!"
"Ooops!"
And he won! (Almost.)
Still, our man Clay did not despair. He would somehow find a way to fulfill his dream of reviving Miss Smith's vision, and Bobsledding with the Crooners would live again, even if it had to be on cable.
He sought solace where he would often go for comfort ... a nearby zoo.
Suddenly, Clay had an idea! "Hey, Ah have an idea!" he exclaimed joyfully.
It came to him as though in a dream. A very fast dream:
"Papa's right, Bobsleddin' an' croonin' all together is best enjoyed on the radio (the radio, the radio)," Clay reasoned, humming to himself merrily. "It's the age of TV--Ah need visuals!"
Clay recruited and signed an amazingly talented team for his all new "reality serious," Bobsledding with Pedro the Penguin.
Unfortunately, the pilot did not sell--not even to Animal Planet. Undaunted, however, Clay maintained close ties with all his bobsledding penguins and crooners as he continued to develop new ideas for his own production company.
And Clay Aiken developed happily ever after.
THE END
Story and graphics by hosaa, originally published at The Clayboard, February 13, 2006.
No comments:
Post a Comment