"Bobsledding with the Crooners" - An Olympic Clay Aiken Mockumentary

As counter-programming for the upcoming Winter Olympics, I offer the following tale.

As we all know, the most popular radio program of the early 1950s was Kate Smith's Bobsledding with the Crooners. The beloved Miss Smith's cheery, radio-friendly presence and wholesome demeanor were an inspiration to an entire nation.

It was the favorite radio show of Clay Aiken's grandfather (after the Grand Ol' Opry). When Clay was just a boy, Papa would regale him with stories of the exciting competitions and passionate rivalries among Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Elvis, and all the other great bob-crooners.

Papa even took little Clay-boy to visit the great bobsled-crooning teams of the nation:

Barry Manilow and Paul Anka ...

... Lionel Ritchie and Neil Sedaka ...

He became an instant fan! Young Clay wanted to grow up to be just like them. Oh, how he longed to sing and race!

Savvy little businessman that he was, Clay even had the foresight to seek sponsors, such as big important computer-game manufacturers!

But as Clay grew older, he watched sadly as the popularity of this once-beloved radio program waned. Novelties and gimmicks eventually destroyed the show all together.

It seemed that the nation had lost sight of the importance of singing and racing as a combined art and skill. Crooning and bobsledding gradually became separate specialties, and few individuals possessed the talent to succeed at both disciplines.

And so radio, too--and its enormous influence on popular culture--died.

Through the years, many attempts were made to revive Bobsledding with the Crooners, but they failed ...

Like the Beatles ...

... like Bono and the Boss ...

... and the fierce cabaret sledder and Gershwin aficionado, Michael Feinstein ...

Some teams that were serious about reviving the sport began recruiting bob-crooners of the past to help them develop their skills.

The famous Jamaican Bobsled team looked to handsome Harry Belafonte for inspiration and support ...

... but not even Harry could aid the team. "Too pitchy, man," he moaned, shaking his head.

Old-time sledders knew they still had something to prove. And America's youth began to take heed.

Meanwhile, young Clay got a little distracted by a TV show called American Idol. He thought he could interest his new friends and teammates in reviving the sport-art of bobsled-crooning.

But the exhausting schedule of the show (and its incessant dance rehearsals--what's that all about?) left poor Clay drained. He always needed a nap.

When the show ended and Clay had won (almost), he easily united his best good friends and created Team Idol:

... ready to tackle the best bob-crooners of the world:

Justin and Constantine ...

... Missy Elliott and Beyonce ...

... Groban, Buble, and Connick ...

... and that notorious team hastily assembled by the devious Simon, Team Divo ...

Questions arose whether the Team Idol could truly compete with the likes of Bob-princess Britney Spears.

Soon, Team Idol began to fall apart. Anchor man Ruben Studdard went off on his own, finding great success as a solo bob-crooner.

Clay put on his game face and gave it his best shot, but his heart was not in it. "It's not a competition. It's NOT a competition. It's NOT A COMPETITION!"

"Ooops!"

And he won! (Almost.)

Still, our man Clay did not despair. He would somehow find a way to fulfill his dream of reviving Miss Smith's vision, and Bobsledding with the Crooners would live again, even if it had to be on cable.

He sought solace where he would often go for comfort ... a nearby zoo.

Suddenly, Clay had an idea! "Hey, Ah have an idea!" he exclaimed joyfully.

It came to him as though in a dream. A very fast dream:

"Papa's right, Bobsleddin' an' croonin' all together is best enjoyed on the radio (the radio, the radio)," Clay reasoned, humming to himself merrily. "It's the age of TV--Ah need visuals!"

Clay recruited and signed an amazingly talented team for his all new "reality serious," Bobsledding with Pedro the Penguin.

Unfortunately, the pilot did not sell--not even to Animal Planet. Undaunted, however, Clay maintained close ties with all his bobsledding penguins and crooners as he continued to develop new ideas for his own production company.

And Clay Aiken developed happily ever after.

THE END

Story and graphics by hosaa, originally published at The Clayboard, February 13, 2006.

Catch-Up: Nuts and Lyons and more nuts, oh my!

Hosaa crawls back to the second-to-last row of the balcony, taking back her comfortable place in the audience following brief (but occasionally long-winded) attempts at providing content....

Knowing the Fall would be a bit over-scheduled, I let the recapping here go a bit. But now it is the end of the year, and I have a few notes to share. I'll keep them brief, if possible. (No guarantees on that.) I'll take any opportunity available to mention Edward Duke and Clay Aiken in the same post, but let's start with the more recent past.

The Nutcracker ~ Joffrey Ballet, Kennedy Center, November 30, 2013 (evening performance)

Overproduced. Very pretty, with lovely dancing, but too busy. The Washington Post's review of the production mentioned the voluminous clouds of dry ice and the snowflake and flower-petal shaped confetti littering the stage, which caused at least two dancers to fall during the performance I saw.

There also were simply too many people on stage. Love to see jobs for dancers, but when your eye doesn't know where to go, you miss some major plot points. (Yes, Virginia, there are plot points in The Nutcracker.) I totally missed Clara chucking her slipper at the Mouse King, which drives the grateful folks in Candy Land to dance their thanks to her in Act II.

Christine Rocas and Rory Hohenstein in the Snow Pas de Deux, courtesy of The Joffrey Ballet via Facebook

Highlights for me were the Arabian lady (Coffee), danced by Christine Rocas, and the surprising balloon airlift out of fantasy land, a la Wizard of Oz. (Unfortunately, that ended the show before Clara/Dorothy could wake up and realize that her dream had been a gift.)

Finale, Joffrey's Nutcracker. Via Facebook

Speaking of gifts and gratitude, however, I am extremely thankful to my dear friend who gifted me this ticket, which not only gave us the God view of the stage, but it also gave me the opportunity to enjoy the experience with someone very knowledgeable about dance! Great fun.

Henry IV by Luigi Pirandello, translated by Tom Stoppard, Lansburgh Theatre, December 9, 2013

The second of this season's free ReDiscovery Series readings, produced by the Shakespeare Theatre Company, here starred the previously described "ferocious" actor Patrick Page as the aristocrat-gone-nuts in Pirandello's blackly comic psycho-social satire. In Stoppard's contemporary interpretation, there was more comedy than I remembered when I read the play at Grinnell (the version in the classic Naked Masks anthology), especially in the form of the four characters in search of a meaningful life as a madman's indulging servants.

But I could barely take my eyes off Page, who, in this stripped-down staged reading (no costumes, no sets, minimal but meaningful stage business), delivered a fully realized character. You want ferocity? Duck. You don't expect mayhem in a polite weeknight reading, but he did all the choking and stabbing required. Hot holy hoo-hah!

Patrick Page, via PatrickPageOnline.com

I skip momentarily over the next STC event to note:

The Lyons ~ Round House Theatre, December 19, 2013

(L-R) Naomi Jacobson, John Lescault, Marcus Kyd, Kimberly Gilbert - cast of The Lyons. Courtesy of Round House Theatre, via Facebook

Well alrighty. More dysfunctional family black comedy at RHT. Sigh. At least this one had more comedy going for it than the Beauty Queen, and I am genuinely beginning to admire the range in Kimberly Gilbert, who I've now seen in three productions this season.

Kimberly Gilbert, courtesy of Round House Theatre via Facebook

I could use a thematic break, though. A sister-audience-member I spoke with at Ford's Laramie Project mentioned that she was also considering dropping her RHT subscription if this is the artistic direction the theater is taking for its future.

That said, the Lyons matriarch "Rita" (Naomi Jacobson) did have me thinking about my own mother, who I don't think was nearly as disregarding of the feelings of others as Rita is in this play. And that said, when plot lines and characters come this close to home, I prefer to experience them from some safer distance. Give me Lady Macbeth or something.

Now let's skip back to my audience-hood experience:

Meet the Cast reception for The Importance of Being Earnest, Shakespeare Theatre Company, Sidney Harman Hall, December 12, 2013

Thanks to another dear friend, who is a supporter of the Shakespeare Theatre Company in a more tangible way (donor) than I am (slobbering fangirl) I got to sit in on the introductions of the cast for the forthcoming production of The Importance of Being Earnest.  

Director Keith Baxter introduces the cast of The Importance of Being Earnest. Uncredited photos courtesy of STC

This was a first for both of us, and we didn't realize that the main benefit of this event was the fantastic food and beverages served in the upstairs lobby after the presentations. We got the last few nibbles after the Shakespearean hordes had invaded (absolutely yumm-o), and then mingled with the cast.

The well-cast role of "Jack Worthing" went to one Gregory Wooddell, who was too handsome and charming for us to come within five donors of him at the reception.

Gregory Wooddell, cast reception. Courtesy of STC

We did, however, speak to a young "Ensemble" cast member, Logan DalBello, a local boy (Takoma Park) making his way on the theater scene. Very sweet kid.

Logan DalBello speaks with guests at meet-the-cast reception for The Importance of Being Earnest. (Hosaa's elbow seen at far right.) Courtesy of STC, via Facebook.

Logan told us humbly that he was absorbing the older, more experienced actors' wisdom "like a sponge." It reminded me of the advice that Edward Duke once told me he'd been given by Sir Ralph Richardson during the filming of Invitation to the Wedding: "It would be better," Sir Ralph told young Edward, pointing at some indistinct location behind him and well off-camera, "if you stood over there." Logan laughed, though I'm sure he had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

The other cast member we got to speak with was the lovely young thing set to play "Cecily." (It was dark in the theater during the introductions, so I didn't get a chance to write down any names; STC hasn't posted the cast list yet, and my memory fails me now.) In my clumsy attempt to be engaging and topical, I interrupted her while she was answering my question about how she prepares for a new role. ("Organically," she seemed to be saying.) My urgent comment was about there not being an iconic reference for "Cecily" like there was for, say, "Maria" in The Sound of Music, tripping up purists into any form of appreciation for the likes of Carrie Underwood.

Sorry I mentioned it. And very sorry I interrupted poor "Cecily."

So, back to my Edward Duke obsession. During his introductory remarks, director Keith Baxter mentioned that he'd been in the production of Private Lives with Joan Collins. My ears pricked up! OMG! He must have known my Edward!!

Baxter was not actually in the performances I saw at National Theater back in 1992 (we got Simon Jones in the role that Baxter played), but perhaps it was on Broadway or in London.

Anyway, I was very anxious to collar him at the reception and find out anything he could tell me about Edward. In the rush and crowd, I asked him about the "Joan Collins production of Private Lives," and Baxter seemed to think I wanted to talk about Joan Collins. So I blurted out as quickly as I could, "Were you in the show when Edward Duke was in it?"

He didn't seem to remember at first, but then he did say, "Oh, yes. Lovely man." He then went on to express an opinion about Miss Collins, which was irrelevant to me, but he seemed determined to provide some juiciness to our brief discussion. I was just in heaven dreaming about the "lovely man" that Edward Duke was, that he should be so remembered by a fellow actor some 20 years later.

Yes, I'm that fangirly. Still.

Which brings me back to the earlier event I have yet had a chance to recap, which isn't strictly speaking an entertainment.

Champions Gala, National Inclusion Project, October 12, 2013

This year marked the 10th anniversary of the organization co-founded by Clay Aiken, who, according to the Web site, remains Chairman of the Board. Galas are normally out of my price range, especially when it involves travel. I went to last year's because it was local, and even sprung for the VIP ticket for the meet-and-greet and group photo (and bad luck on that, hosaa was not seen in photo).

The event was held in Charlotte, so within driving distance for me. The cheap seats with a reduction in goodies got me in for $75. It was an inspiring evening, though unfortunately Clay didn't sing as much as we all wanted him to (he did sing quite a bit, apparently, at the VIP event the night before).

Clay Aiken sings "You Are the Song" to thank donors and volunteers on the occasion of the National Inclusion Project's 10th Anniversary. Photos courtesy of National Inclusion Project via Facebook

And even sadder for many attendees, the one song he did sing at the end of the evening seemed like a goodbye song. He'd also hinted about changes of life direction and won't we all still support the NIP if he's not around?

WTF? Is he leaving NIP? Is he leaving show biz? Is he - dying?

Well, some people were/are more upset/angry/scared about all that than I was/am. My Edward Duke obsession taught me patience. In the pre-Internet days, I could go years between news items about Edward. When he was cast in Sullivan and Gilbert, for instance, I heard about it from friends who saw him performing in Toronto and sent me a copy of the program.

It was a full two years from that afternoon that Edward let me hang out in his dressing room during Private Lives' Act II before I heard the next tidbit about him. A friend called me at work to report reading his obituary in The New York Times.

So you see, I've lived through the anxiety of silence, and I've lived through a worst-case scenario.

I don't know what to make of Clay Aiken's future just yet. All I know is that it's been fun and interesting to watch him build a future after that first Wild Card scenario 10 years ago. I'm just hanging onto my seat in the audience. That's one subscription I'm not letting lapse!

Love, hosaa
waiting

Second Glance DIY

Ack! My favorite part of Sunday morning is doing the Washington Post magazine's Second Glance puzzle - find the 12 differences. Today they just had the before picture with no after and no key!

So I did it myself.

Original photograph by Washington Post reader Graham Joscelyne; ceramic shoe collection of Shelly Kreykes in Vienna in May.

Click to enlarge and open in viewer. (Bonus question: Name that boyfriend!)

eta, Oops! Too funny: Now that I look at it in broad daylight, there are 13 differences; I forgot to number them when I started. Look in the middle of the picture, slightly to the northwest of center: a little toe detailing on the moccasin removed.

etaa, update 8-26-13: Yesterday the print edition of the Post gave the answers to their version of the before and after. Obviously they doctored different bits in the picture than I did in my DIY, but we had many similarities:

Number 11 in mine (upper right corner), I enlarged the shoe, whereas they removed it.

In my Number 7, we both changed the color of the shoelaces (theirs were blackened, mine got multicolored).

For Number 4 in mine (lower left corner), they labeled their change "Bigger star." HAHA! My "bigger star" is bigger than their "bigger star."  (Clay Aiken Rulzz!)

Books I Don't Read on Faith (Book of Mormon recap)

Back (last night) from the touring production of Book of Mormon now installed at the Kennedy Center (just 10 days remaining in the run). The show was critically acclaimed, so, despite the difficulty getting tickets (12 hours on the crashy online members' presale) I had to see it. Blind faith (or at least a trust in the opinions of the Tony voters) worked out in this case! *g*

Probably everything that needs to be said about the show has already been said, so I'll focus mainly on the audience experience. The problems my friends had in the side section of the first tier (which I didn't, being on the end of the center section a row farther back) were sight lines and audio direction. The staging was so flattened and centered that people even in slightly off-to-the-side seats couldn't make out the lyrics and couldn't see the title on the revised Book that the cast holds up at the end. If you never get the punchline, the joke is pointless. It spoiled the experience for my friends.

My complaint was just that the program did not include a list of the production numbers and the names of the characters in them. There were actually two cast lists--the official one and the insert for "at this performance" adjustments. For the record, last night C. K. Edwards replaced Bobby Daye as Guard so that Daye could step in as Mafala Hatimbi for Stanley Wayne Mathis. I have no mental image of those characters at this point, but if there were a list of the numbers they appeared in, I might have been able to figure it out.

Edited to add: Also last night, swing player Antyon le Monte stepped in as the Doctor for Josh Breckenridge, who surrendered that role to serve exceptionally well as the General for Derrick Williams.

I keep my programs. I follow careers, or try to. That's how I know the darling dancer Alex Puette is now performing as Levi, one of the brothers, in the Clay Aiken showcasing of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at the Ogunquit Playhouse in Maine, another religion-inspired show I had no desire to see except for its cast (Clay, obviously, is the draw. Alex was a bonus. But with only three weeks' notice, it was not possible for me to commit the time or money. Ogunquit's and I-95's legendary traffic was another deterrent).

But I digress, as Clay often compels me! *g*

Book of Mormon was raucous, rollicking, and crude, and very, very funny. I especially loved the "scary, burn in Hell dream" sequence. (Here is another instance of my friends' problems hearing the lyrics--they didn't know Johnny Cochran was among the residents of this nightmare Hell. The "He saved O.J." line was one of the show's funniest.)

The African version of the Joseph Smith/Brigham Young legend was also hilarious, and reminded me of "Small House of Uncle Thomas" in The King and I. Only smuttier.

But the story was also sinister and disturbing. It was a morality fable about blind faith (the Mormon missionaries) and believing in whatever serves your needs (sex with virgins cures AIDS; female sexual pleasure is evil, so the clitoris must be severed).

[SPOILER ALERTS]

While Elder Price (Mark Evans) did learn the lesson of hubris, the inherent evil of telling other people what to believe remained unchecked. The converted Africans picked up the mission of ringing other people's doorbells. And the hubris merely shifted to Elder Cunningham, as the cast adoringly held up their copies of the "Book of Arnold" (the punchline that my friends missed).

That all left me feeling a little depressed at the end of a very entertaining evening. Issues were brilliantly addressed, but ultimately unresolved.

love, hosaa
not insisting that you to agree with me, but would nevertheless find it pleasant if you did

Irresistible Imagination: Gatsby and the Chaperone

By coincidence, The 3-D Great Gatsby opened the same weekend I headed down to Raleigh for my planned-months-in-advance excursion to see Clay Aiken in a limited engagement of The Drowsy Chaperone (featuring Beth Leavel reprising her Tony Award winning performance as the title character).

You're already supposed to know the Gatsby story; if you're as unfamiliar with DC as I was, the short version is: Lonely musical-theater-loving Man in Chair (Clay) escapes into the fantasy of one of his favorite cast recordings, a 1920s frolic about a spotlight-loving ingenue (Paige Faure as Janet Van Der Graaft) torn between love and stardom.

The banality of Man in Chair's life is made poignant as he is interrupted by the phone, or by the lights going out, and he reflects on the failure of his less than perfect marriage. Do you leave (escape) or live with your decisions?

The decision to live with it can be reversed; he ultimately has "leave" thrust upon him by the divorce lawyers, and it is his escapist life he lives with. (The show that this story actually reminds me of is The Purple Rose of Cairo, with Mia Farrow as the drab-life-liver escaping into Depression Era silver-screen fantasy.)

Clay Aiken in rehearsal, The Drowsy Chaperone, photo by Corey Lowenstein, News Observer

Clay Aiken as Man in Chair, The Drowsy Chaperone. Photo by Curtis Brown

The over-the-top farcical world of Drowsy Chaperone's Roaring Twenties is a stark contrast to director Baz Luhrmann's Great Gatsby, a nonstop over-the-top orgy, where the one thing unifying the classes is decadence. Hey, see it in 3-D to get the full over-the-topness.

Musically, I'll give the edge to Jay-Z in bringing the Gatsbian Jazz Age into the modern ear. Drowsy is as light as air, and fairly forgettable (except among those of my friends who went for multiples last week).

Acting: well, I love Clay, so there you go. He delivered a memorable character. If Man in Chair touched me, it's because he is far easier for someone like me to relate to than Jay Gatsby, whether performed by Robert Redford or Leonardo di Caprio.

They both created fantasy worlds: As Daisy Buchanan puts it, Gatsby's world is a "perfect, irresistible imagination." So is Man in Chair's.

I already live in the Man in Chair's world: I'm Auntie Hosaa on a Sofa, occasionally found hanging over the railing in the dress circle, binoculars trained on my favorite showman, engaging me with his irresistible imagination.

It's F. Scott Fitzgerald's Gatsby I never quite understood. Our fictional chaperone, Nick Carraway, is too simplistic: Gatsby had inextinguishable hope; Daisy (and Tom Buchanan) were careless people. And no matter who is cast as Daisy, be it Mia Farrow or Carey Mulligan, I just don't get the attraction, let alone the obsession.

But then, there are people who don't get my obsession with Clay Aiken. So there you go. It's just that perfect, irresistible imagination he elicits.

Ebenezer VanderScrooge's Parade

One of my nerdier hobbies is daydreaming about missing scenes and filling in dramatical (dreamatical) gaps. Most recently, such a gap gaped during A Christmas Carol's many incarnations this past Christmas season. I saw a lot of them, from Mr. Magoo's to Albert Finney's.

But now that I have finally seen the stage version at Ford's, I'll focus on the Scrooge portrayed by Edward Gero, who is now playing the Scroogey Horace Vandergelder in Ford's Hello, Dolly.

So the missing scene from Dickens's Carol (and dang if I can find a copy of the book in this place) is the one that shows how Scrooge got so scroogey after he was engaged to Belle. There he was dancing in the shadows of Christmas Past, all cheery and bright, and then suddenly he's counting coins and Belle is chucking the old engagement jewelry back at him.

What happened? How did money become so important to him? Was he kicked out by the landlord? Lose big in an unfortunate gambling debacle? Get a taste of jealous rivalry with some other clerk?

And where did Belle go, never to be seen in that town again? Had she no relatives, leave no forwarding address? Are these questions answered in the book? (Don't make me re-read it. Not my favorite Dickens book in print.)

So poor young Ebenezer let his parade pass by and never looked up to see it go. Even after he found redemption, post-ghosts, there was no Belle yet available, waiting to give him another chance. Sob.

From my little chair in the Ford's balcony last Saturday afternoon, I smiled as Edward Gero got to hand his Ebenezer a second chance to catch the parade--this time as Horace Vandergelder, the Merchant of Yonkers. You know the story, so I don't need to retell it in details. While looking for a new wife (i.e., a housekeeper, not a householder), Vandergelder is beguiled into a different parade and into the matchmaker's own arms.

Edward Gero as Horace Vandergelder and Nancy Opel as Dolly Levi in the Ford’s Theatre and Signature Theatre co-production of “Hello, Dolly!” Photo by Carol Rosegg.

It's a great show. The voices are strong, the dancing is vibrant. Just all good fun. Aside from Gero, I didn't recognize the other Ford's regulars, though it seems to be a bit of a reunion for some of the players from 1776, Parade, and Liberty Smith.

I can hardly wonder why my own parade has passed me by without a trace of confetti when I spend my mind's time thusly preoccupied with fictional characters' happy endings. But I confess I greatly enjoyed ogling the eye candy that is the singing/dancing waiter chorus line of the present Ford's Dolly, and most particularly the hoo-hah-handsome Alex Puette.

Photo of Nancy Opel with Jp Qualters, Harris Milgrim, Kyle Vaughn and Alex Puette by Carol Rosegg.

Alex Puette, via ModelMayhem.com 

So why is it I am spending my daydreaming time thinking this would be a great match for my Clay Aiken? Hee! There I go again, following someone else's parade.

Love, hosaa

Matchmaking for complete and total strangers....

Edited to add (Aug. 17, 2013) that Alex is, coincidentally, performing in the same company as Clay Aiken for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat this summer. AND he posted this video, obviously filmed sometime during the above production of Hello, Dolly:

The Clay Aiken Christmas Experience, cont'd.

Picking up after the recaps of my own tour experience, I here offer the four stories that were read on tour. These were stories that were submitted by fans for the 2007 concert tour, and selected specially by Clay to be read again this time around while he went backstage to read a book. Or at least change his clothes. *g* Each of the stories segued into a song, so the montages here include those songs.

Story #1 is "Mary, Did You?" about how a mother found solace over the death of her son by meditating on the figure of Mary in the manger. It is followed by Clay's "Mary, Did You Know?"



For story #2, there was one story that was used through most of the tour, but a second "story #2" was recorded especially for one stop at which the reader and her son had a meet-and-greet with Clay. Both stories are about mothers and sons, and are followed by Clay's "Merry Christmas with Love." (For these montages, I used different clips for the song portion, so that each story-and-song montage is unique.)

Story #2 - "The Lights of Christmas" (with Kurt)


Story #2 - "Never Too Old" (with Mike)


The third story was told by Clay Aiken's mother, Faye, and preceded the "Sentimental Medley" ("Ill Be Home for Christmas," "The Christmas Song," and "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas") during the tour. The story is presented here without the medley (I'm montaging that separately, due to length).

Story #3 - "Christmas Time's a-Comin'" (Faye's story)

[Update 1-21-2013: Here is the "teal" version of the Sentimental Medley, which followed Faye's story during the concert. Check back soon for the "purple" version!]
All four of these stories were published in the book Remember When, available from the National Inclusion Project.

For the record, I also submitted a story back in 2007, "Christmas and the Great Tormentor." I recorded it for my brother, that devil of a Christmas packaging tormentor. Someday I might post it here, but for now it's just a family thing.

Love, hosaa
Remembering when....

The Clay Aiken Christmas Experience

I fell a little behind in my recapping. Totally skipped the lovely evening of ballet (Suzanne Farrell), courtesy of a friend with season tickets, and the very interesting world premiere of Young Robin Hood at Round House (as always, I liked the dancer the best). Autumn just gets busy, you know?

I didn't have to travel nearly as far as some of his more dedicated fans, but the two Clay Aiken Christmas concerts I was able to attend were just far enough away to prompt me to splurge on hotel reservations. Shippen Place in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania, was quite lovely, as was the venue, Luhr's Center on campus of Ship-U. Very classy place. The town, a bit run down, however, though I'd be happy to go again sometime.

That is, unless of course Clay promises to come closer to home: e.g., the Birchmere, Strathmore, Kennedy Center, National, Warner, Constitution Hall, and the forthcoming Bethesda Blues and Jazz Club, opening (they say) in February. (I already called dibs on front-row center when Clay plays there.)

Just four days after Shippensburg, Clay played at Easton, Maryland's historic Avalon Theatre (which I have yet to type without adding a g on the end - Avalong). It looked down-in-the-dumps in the Google Street photos I saw, but in real life it was quaint and cozy inside. And the town of Easton is exactly the kind of small town I'd love to live in. I'd totally go back, even if Clay played all of those above mentioned venues in the same tour.

Those who know nothing of these things and still sneer with an air of superiority ask why in the world one goes to more than one Clay Aiken concert in the same tour. Not to mention the fact (which they wouldn't know anyway) that the 2012 iteration of the Joyful Noise Tour (JNT) is more or less a "Best of" previous versions (but without dancers, truckloads of sets and equipment, and elves and heh-heh fairies).

The venues, the towns, the pick-up musicians, the condition of Clay's voice, and the vicissitudes of Clay's hair all make for completely different experiences from one night to the next. Even his banter, dependent on the same basic sets of tall tales, writhes to hilarious alterations.

This year's big audience interaction bit involved someone being chosen to pull a random Christmas carol out of the bowl and see how much of the lyrics they get right. It's funny because Clay himself has a tendency to rely on his own "random-lyric generator," as it has been lovingly named. I was all set to do dramatic interpretations of "Little Drummer Boy" or "Rudolph, the Reindeer with the Red Nose" (using person-first language here), but he didn't call on me.

Those who know nothing of these things and still sneer with an air of superiority actually think Clay ought to know me by first name by now, since I'm apparently his "number-one fan." In fact, even with two "meet and greets" now, and two group photos at the charity galas, I still haven't made eye contact with the guy. I'm not nearly vivacious enough (that's a nice word for it - vivacious) to get his attention. Those who are and do, well, that's entertaining, too. All part of the Clay Aiken experience.

The other reason to go to multiple venues is to see what works on my camera. Camera settings I borrowed from other "clack" gatherers worked pretty well in the gorgeous and spacious auditorium at Shippensburg, but not at all in Easton's tiny Avalon. (Pause to delete another g.) And for video, I just totally used the wrong format (AVCHD) in Shippensburg; switching to mp4 for Easton worked pretty well, except for having the "up my nose" view from the second row.

So here is just a little taste of the Clay Aiken Christmas Experiences.

Shippensburg:

And Easton: